Mar 19, 2021
 | 
Caligula Walker

GREEN BAY, WI - Albert LaPointe, CEO of football goal post manufacturing company NearMiss.com, had high hopes when he set up aggressive OKR goals for his sales team. Unfortunately for Albert, the actual results fell well short of expectations and he was forced to reset his team’s targets multiple times. 

Albert declined to share the dollar value of his sales goals, but called them “the most reasonable goals ever set by CEO.” His employees, however, felt differently. 

“It’s ridonkulous,” said an anonymous source named Rob Robinson. “We’ve already saturated the market with our windmill-powered smart goal posts. What does he want us to do, build our own football fields just so we can buy more goal posts?”

Rob, who totally works on the sales team, said that instead of lowering sales targets as “anyone with half a brain would do,” Albert had raised their targets three times last month, and is expected to raise them a fourth time before the end of the week.

Albert defended his high targets. “My dad always told me to go long or go home,” he said. “It’s incredibly rewarding to achieve an impossible task. That’s my philosophy on work and life.”

When asked about his team’s mental health and motivation, Albert said that he had “foreseen some resistance” and had taken the additional step of installing a bell on the sales room floor. “That way, when someone makes a sale, we can ring the bell to celebrate. That’ll raise spirits for sure!”

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