Apr 20, 2021
 | 
Shiloh Lesner

Will Gorman, CEO of the billion-dollar tech company Glob is being widely criticized for years of dishonesty. Since Glob’s inception, Gorman had reminded his employees at every opportunity that they were family. Every speech, every company video, every team dinner, he told everyone there how much they meant to him and that they were a family.

Now, it seems, Gorman had been lying the entire time. Not only is the entire company not one family, but Gorman does not seem to have any genetic relation to any of Glob’s more than 3000 employees. 

When the DNA results were released, Glob employees around the world were shocked and saddened. Productivity dropped to an all-time low as employees broke down crying wherever they were upon hearing the news. The Unicornian spoke with one such employee who, between sobs, explained the impact the news was having on her.

“I just can’t believe all the lies! I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust again. Does this mean I’m not related to the staff at Olive Garden? Is Disneyland really the happiest place on Earth? Am I really worth it, or is that just L’Oreal lying to me as well?”

Gorman has declined to comment, and has not emerged from his home since the news broke. Speculation has emerged that Gorman had been claiming all of his employees as children on his taxes, and that this may lead to an audit from the IRS.

More on the story as it develops.

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