Feb 23, 2021
Norma Jean

CHICAGO, IL - When John awoke on January 5, 2021, it was a day like any other. He rolled out of bed, put on his sweatpants and a baseball cap, and sat down on his couch to start work.

Upon opening his email however, he was shocked to see that one of his biggest customers had churned. John told The Unicornian “I don’t understand...they were happy 6 months ago! How could they just all of a sudden decide that they want to churn without even calling me?” This latest debacle marks the 5th customer John has lost in the last 5 months. “It’s this pandemic!” John said, “at least...I think it’s the pandemic! None of my customers have called me in months so I just have to assume that it’s the pandemic...I mean, what else could it be?”

John is not alone. Customer Success Managers across the country are seeing customers they haven’t talked to in months churn. When asked about what could be done to prevent future churn from happening, John told us about a new strategy he’s hoping will make some meaningful changes.

“I’m going to start a TikTok account where I just talk sh*t about customers and get as many views as I can. That way, customers will be worried I’ll talk about them if they leave, so they’re just gonna stay.”

The Unicornian plans on following John’s progress as he bravely leverages new technology to improve his customer retention rate.

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