May 7, 2021
Mindy Clark

GRAPEVINE, TX - GameStop, a company known for its volatile stock and to a lesser extent, video game sales, has announced that it will begin accepting Dogecoin, chocolate coins, or words of affirmation in lieu of USD. 

GameStop Chairman of the Board Ryan Cohen, announced the new initiative on Friday afternoon, stating “If we want our stock to go to the moon, we need to be brave, get creative, and take risks. If there’s anything riskier than accepting things of non-monetary value in lieu of actual currency, I haven’t heard of it.”

Elon Musk, a longtime proponent of Dogecoin, could not be reached for comment as he is currently travelling from Texas to New York to host Saturday Night Live using a prototype jetpack powered by his own sense of self-importance. 

Cohen suspects Musk will be supportive of the initiative however, explaining “The reason we announced this today is because we think [Musk] will love the idea, and since he’s going to be hosting SNL tomorrow, we figured we should try to get a shoutout of some kind! That would be a huge shot in the arm for our stock price.”

Details are still to come as many questions remain. How many words of affirmation will each game cost? How many chocolate coins equal one Dogecoin? Have we all gone completely nuts?

Cohen and his team refused to provide these details at today’s press conference, however The Unicornian's sources believe the answers are: 7, 2, and absolutely.

More on this story as it develops.

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