Coming up with insightful, original ideas can be extremely difficult to do, especially when you’re under pressure in a meeting with other executives to come up with ideas on the spot. But just because you aren’t creative or particularly knowledgeable doesn’t mean you should be able to succeed in business! That’s why we’ve put together this list of tips for business success that you can implement tomorrow and get that next promotion:
1. Say the exact same thing a woman said, but louder so that everyone in the meeting hears you, even if they’re in the middle of their own conversation.
2. Shave your head. Statistically speaking, the majority of CEOs are bald. Ergo, go bald, become a CEO.
3. Say things that sound intelligent but mean almost nothing, like “We have to be careful not to mistake the forest for the trees.”
4. If you know you can do a job but you don’t have the proper experience, just lie on your resume and in your interview. The ends always justify the means.
5. Just because you didn’t actually contribute to a project doesn’t mean you can’t take credit for it.
6. Don’t hire people who are more talented than you; they’ll make you look bad. Everyone you hire should be slightly worse at their job than you are at yours.
7. Send Slack messages late at night so that your boss thinks you are always working late.
8. Unsolicited back rubs are a great way to make friends around the office.
9. Putting down colleagues while talking about your own accomplishments is a surefire way to get yourself promoted over them.
10. Start every day with a new to-do list, and throw out the one from the day before, even if it’s not complete.
Try out these amazing tips and you're guaranteed to succeed, no matter how little talent or how big an ego you have. Good luck!